Tuesday, April 14, 2009

So scared

Today has been one of the worst days I can remember, if not the worst. My grandma has been waiting to hear back from the doctor for a few days...she'd gone to the dermatologist because she had this sunspot thing that she wanted checked out. Just to be safe.

Turns out, it's melanoma. When the doctor called, I was downstairs putting dinner away. I stuck around to see what he had to say, and when she hung up the phone and started crying I just knew. I lost it. I'm still not really coherent; I've been walking around all night in a daze, and I keep starting to cry at the stupidest little things. I honestly just don't know how to handle this. My grandmother is the toughest person I know. She's never sick, she rarely has any form of health problems. She had cataract surgery in both eyes and after each one she was up like normal after a day. I simply can't comprehend her being really sick. It absolutely terrifies me.

I don't really know what's going on with it...she has to make an appointment sometime tomorrow to go into Pittsburgh for surgery. And they're going to check her out thoroughly so that they can remove any other spots they find. Best case scenario, they do that, cut out whatever, and that's mostly the end of it. Worst case...well I won't go there. I don't need to have another breakdown tonight.

I probably won't be around for a while. I'll be dealing with my mom to get gran to and from whatever she needs to do, plus work, and finals. I'll try to keep in touch, but I apologize in advance if I kind of drop off the face of the planet for a while...though I probably will respond to phone calls. So in the unlikely case anyone needs to reach me just try my phone.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Goals update 4

So much for my plan to start blogging more often. I'll get a goals update in now, and hopefully I'll be able to jump start myself into writing maybe 3-4 times a week.

1. Read 75 of my own books that I've never read before. 59 to go. I've been blowing through books on the weekend...last Saturday I read erm, three. I've caught up a bit with this goal, enough that I'm letting myself re-read a few favorites (which don't count towards the goal).

2. Watch all of the movies I own and have never watched. Once again I haven't touched this one. Right now I'm back and forth between BSG and Lost. I'm definitely going to watch at least a couple of movies over the holiday weekend.

3. Complete 12 video games. Still have 11 to go. I've been playing Rock Band 2 quite a bit lately. I need to get into some other games again though, as RB2 isn't really something that I can beat.

4. Travel. $600 to go to pay off my plane ticket + camera. I may just take it out of my savings to get it over with. Aside from that...I've been working on what I'm going to do while I'm there. I plan to spend most of the day Saturday researching that and booking hotels (provided I don't have to pay for the rooms yet). As for other trips, I'm going to Philly over Memorial Day weekend, and then camping with some friends a couple of weeks later. We're also planning a number of short day trips and maybe a weekend in Erie. I'm really happy with this goal this year. I feel that I'm doing a lot of things I haven't in years, and I'm certainly getting out a lot more.

5. Continue to learn Japanese. The CDs are starting to irritate me, since they don't have English. Still working through them though, as well as the books. I am seriously thinking about getting the Rosetta Stone software sometime after I get home from Ireland.

6. Learn to cook 12 new types of meals, and 6 desserts. Still nowhere on this one. I have a list of things to try but don't have the time or money to really get into it. I'll hopefully pick up some spices soon and try one or two dishes, but the majority of this goal will probably be done over the summer, once school has let out.

7. Finish one of my Nano novels. This is still going agonizingly slow, but I guess even a few sentences here and there is getting me that much closer to the end of the story. <---- from my last update, but still applies perfectly.

8. Write every day. Backslid a bit here, but still getting 3-4 days a week in.

9. Let other people read my writing. No more progress on this in the past few weeks, but no big deal.

10. Finish my associate's degree. I'm taking this off the list. Those of you that talk to me regularly know why. I might write about it in more detail another day, but I'm not going to go into it here.

11. Clean out my stuff, and get organized. Making some progress here, though it's slow. I've gotten through a couple of boxes and organized most of my papers...and thrown out a good bit I don't need anymore.

12. New wardrobe. Picked up a few more shirts. I still have to find time to make a list of what I really need. At this point I'm just picking up a few things that I find on sale.

13. Exercise 3 hours per week. This one is going alright. I've slacked with working out after work, but I usually do at least a day or two, plus both weekend days. I'm going to up this goal to 5 hours per week for a while, try and motivate myself into coming home and working out every day after work again. I may have to take a week off though, because of the tattoo on my foot.

Save money, and learn to manage my money wisely. I signed up for the 401k, and that's coming out of my paychecks now. Due to the economic stimulus though, I'm only getting $10 less per paycheck. I put a bit more money in my savings as well. I'm seriously contemplating taking $600 out to pay off my bills. I figure I can make up the money quickly enough, and it would be nice to have a few less outstanding debts.

Eat healthy. Gran went nuts on the jelly beans and Easter candy; she drives me insane. I have still been doing fairly well and not eating too much junk, but I have a real weakness for Cadbury creme eggs and Starburst jelly beans.

Photography. Spent a few hours out at Linn Run this past weekend. I got a few good pictures, and quite a lot I'm not thrilled with, but I'm learning. Very slowly. I've found a couple of camera bags and will pick one up this weekend if I have the money, and I'm also going to look to see what B&N has in books and photography magazines. I have a couple lenses and filters in mind as well, though those will have to wait for a while until I've saved more money.

Not doing badly with most of the goals. It'll probably be a slow month between work and finals, but I'll see how much progress I can make.