Now what?

I know I just posted about the class situation, but I'm already running into problems. I'm so tired of this; I really don't know what I should do anymore.

First off, I tried to talk to my grandmother about withdrawing from classes. I don't know what reaction I expected. I knew she probably wouldn't agree, but I didn't think she'd actually be pissed off. Her whole thing is that the classes are paid for already. Yes, some of that was her money, which she'd given me to help finish my degree on time instead of having to wait. So I suppose she has a right to not be thrilled if it's for nothing.

But honestly, the money is more than likely going to be wasted either way. I can withdraw now and maybe get some of it back, or maybe not. Or I can struggle through the rest of the semester, get awful grades, screw up my transcripts, have to retake some or all of the classes, and still lose the damned money. And that sucks, and I feel bad about it. But all I've done is beat myself up over this and I just can't anymore. I have hard classes, and I have to teach them to myself. I got in over my head, and then I missed weeks of work because I was sick. If it hadn't been for that I probably would have been able to muddle my way through and come out on top, but not with all of that missed time.

Plus, if I stick with classes there is no way I can get a job for another two months or so. I would have to devote all of my time and energy to staying afloat in my classes. There's a very small chance I'd be able to pass all of them, so I'm not going to get my degree. Then in May, I'd have to start looking for a job, just as all the other college students become free for the summer. Or, I could drop some or all of my classes, start looking for a job now, and then hopefully get enough money saved up to make up a class or two during the summer.

I don't know. To me, there's really only one option that makes sense. I've agonized over it for a couple of weeks. I don't necessarily like it, but it seems to be the better plan.

Okay, talked to my gran some more. She's still not happy but she finally sees where I'm coming from. I think. Also, I agreed to just drop the two classes I'm really screwed in, for now. I might drop a third. Going to give it another week or so and see if it's possible for me to bring up my grade now that I don't have so much to worry about, and then make that decision. The fourth class I should be able to pass. I won't do great, but at least it'll be done.

Meanwhile, I'll keep looking for a job. Gran seemed pretty against that, surprisingly. She wants me to "finish something for once." Meaning school. Because clearly I tried to break my finger last spring, and decided to make my organs all mess up this spring. She was just like, "Well if it wasn't that it would have been something else." I'm sorry, what?

I've been dying to get back to work. I really do like school, always have. And I'm finishing, no matter what. I can't help that the very few classes I still need are only offered once a semester, if that. But I've been bored out of my mind and wanting to get back to work again, and start saving up some money. I'm not making excuses for not finishing now (okay I am but they're legitimate excuses). I'm just trying to salvage my grades, and then work while I finish my last few classes. Is there something wrong with that?

Oh well, whatever. To hell with her and anyone else who is going to be like that. I already feel bad enough myself about the entire situation. I've just recently started to accept that there wasn't really much I could do; I can't control the medical stuff, and I can't control when certain classes are offered. I need to accept that completely and move on, and do what I can from this point forward so that I can both get on my feet financially and finish my education.

We'll see how it goes.